Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
