Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
