So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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