I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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