i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
