when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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