hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
