Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
