Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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