the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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