Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
