hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
