It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
