I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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