we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
