Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
