You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
