i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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