I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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