get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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