Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
