First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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