i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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