I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
