it wasn't lemon gatorade
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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