i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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