I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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