Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
