I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
