I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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