The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
