She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
