its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
