So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
