Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I stole a fireplace last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think your dad took our porno
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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