I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
