can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
