dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
