I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
