You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
