I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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