My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
why is half of my head shaved?
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