I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
