Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
