Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
