I wish I could teleport
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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