i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
