Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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