If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
