mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
