he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
