Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize