hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
