When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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