did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
