I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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