Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
