I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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