You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
