I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm bleeding and have questions
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
