soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
