I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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