maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Are my feet made of real feet?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
