I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
