I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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