For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
