it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize