I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
