this beer tastes like vomit already
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
