I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
