i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
