Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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