did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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