Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
