Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
