don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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