I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize