I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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