My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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