Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
