He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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