A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
