shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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